No joking matter

A new player enters the scene!

THREE, a mono-dia-trialogue in volumes aplenty..

Not you, not me but three. A new hope? A salvation? A messiah? A GOD?! Or just a three? You never know. But ink is not sufficient to describe how wonderful it is to have you back, sir! This ballad goes out to all the fans out there, my epitaph will become your anthem!

Ten Times Ten Ts.

Talk to those trouble-trolling throngs tonight that tell time till the tsar tolls the tenth traitor, tampering truth, to take this terrific task to topple towers than to tickle tangerine toned tapestry that tops tables that turn towards taps than to too tricky traps that trip tall travellers trying to test their traceable tell-tale texture that tears their thoughts towards thousand tiny tips topping the targeted trifles that truly tax the timid testers ten times ten terrifying turns.

And not a three in it, terrible!

THREE. A hero, a symbol, a legend! He takes a step down the corridor. One step, two... and there it is. His feet won't budge. There is no three! But is there? There is a thirteen but you don't really believe so because you're superstitious. You just believe in God. HAHAHA. Now isn't that rich? I love it when you cry yourself to sleep. It instils me with the pleasure of having put you in your grave in the first place. Weep deadgirl, weep! Glout them with your hammer, you oaf, you lout, you stout. One Guinness please, two, three.

Excited yet? No? Please? Just a little bit? A teeny-tiny little bit? Get the fuck out, man, with all your crazy little questions that no one can possibly have answers to. Like, what colour is love? What do 2 oranges and 3 pears make? Who gives a damn about fruit?! You always go on and on in your silly little corridor, asking silly little questions. Know what? You are fucking tiny and the world is big and bad like the wolf that Obese Fat Riding Hood ate. Yes, that's the new version of the popular song. Like it? It's been modernised to cope with the increase of fat in your body. Yes, yours. You are fat Mr. Francisco-Delaware-York, you are! And so is your cousin I'm-so-funny-I-could-die on the other side of the puddle. Or was it this side? No, you're on the other side, not me. Anyhow, getting back to the point here, this isn't the news we wanted to print yesterday, this is tomorrow's. Sometimes I just get so confused with all this information that no one's really supposed to know. But shh, that's a secret. It's a goddamn, motherfucking secret. So don't tell. OK? Please? Just shut up and do as you're told.

Where was I? Oh, yes, I hadn't even begun yet, silly old bugger. Ah, yes, three. Yes, it is the essence of everything... even HE fears Three. Or was he a she, yes? Well, yes, you never know these days. Could well have been a banquet or a wedding or 4 funeral, yes. It could've been, yes, but the time was simply not right. I dare say, yes, being the daredevil that I am, the Sun is starting to shine a bit awkwardly, isn't it? “Yes! I'd probably stab them with a knife” he said, looking at the sunset and sighed. Why, yes, nothing was going the way it was supposed to.

There had been a mission! A cause! For celebration and motivation. For being motivated is worth celebrating, isn't it? And celebrations make you feel motivated. Yes, that's the way it works but it's not a three it's an eight and it's always upturned these days y'know, hmm? There's no need to be scared. It'll end some day, I'm sure. He will make it happen. He can. He-She-It is three after all.

Three! “I was already so tired of waiting!” he looks out of the window into the corridor. Or wait, he was in the corridor. No, that's not quite right. He IS the corridor. But that's just silly. That would mean that he'd eaten three! Or had three been inside of her the whole time? Growing? Feeding? Gnawing on the life force of all like a parasite?

I'd rather not answer that, if I were you. The blue wire? You think? Or maybe it's the red one? Or the green one? Or maybe I was bluffing and it's not a candyshop after all? No milkshake in the yard, none at all? You would explode all over the place. Haha, and not in a good way. Sorry, there's no room for doubt. You already lost the game when you read the first question. Can you remember what it was? No you can't. Don't cheat. Even if you didn't cheat, you're WRONG! Because I say so and so does three. Don't you boy? That's a good boy. FETCH!

He runs after them and jumps a hurdle! One hurdle, two.

There is no need for pro-athletes. They have no function, no purpose. None. But still the crowd laughs when they fall, cry when they break records and lose themselves in ecstasy when it turns out archangel Gabriel was actually a woman! Wait, a voice resounds. There is no need to go into politics and mythology and etymology. There's no need to destroy each other like colonies of ants waging war. Choose a better tomorrow instead. Nuclear weapons. Atomic bombs. A mushroom blast! Make war, not love! That's the least you can do to repay the debt for the havoc in harmony your shitty existence has caused. Those are the words of THREE. Heed the call. Good luck, have fun.

He is brought to his knees by the statements laid out before him. He cannot believe his steps have all been wrong. It should have been three all along. Not one or two but three. He considers walking backwards but he realises that time is not linear. Or at least not right now. Maybe at 6 o'clock. And he can't wait that long! It's a whole minute as it turns out! He makes a stab in the dark. Or in the light, actually. A leap it is! Quantum physical leap. Small for mankind but HUGE for him. Just such a tiny, small, petite, average, bigger, humongous, gargantuan, sky-scraping whatever. He takes one leap, two and finally scores! A new tri-step world record, how's that for not wanting athletes? Hmm? His mind is riddled with questions that make him look like the arse of an ass or was it the ass of an arse? Stupid anyway. But it's the best thing we've got! Protests the man with the pipe and the cane and the fancy sugar-coated name.

Alpha becomes beta, crying over theta. No one else and no one cares. No use, what's spilt is spilt. No chances of ever bringing that cup of pure darkness back. It was valuable. Or maybe it was empty but you don't know that for sure. That's fo sho! When someone orders and instant delivery is advertised they don't want to see the bullet between their eyes tomorrow or yesterday for that matter. They want to see it right away. Don't wait, call now. Time to top up your faith because WOW, are you going to be needing some luck right now. Men don't dodge bullets. Gods do. The ones that don't exist. No one dodges bullets, you moron. Stop butting in. It's not only your conversation. This isn't a conversation. You're insane. Fuck off. No, you fuck off. Kids, kids, stop arguing. There's plenty of room for all Three of us, right three? Woof! Meow! ZzzzzZZzzz! Aww, sleepy three.

Wake up! Wake up! Open your eyes. Take a deep breath in and smell the coffee, junior. You fucked up didn't you? How many times have I told you not to put everyone in danger with your stupid games? Letting Three out is almost the worst thing you could've done. It's got nothing to do with originality or whatever it is you're trying to achieve. It's obviously not funny and frankly, dear, it's quite scary. Come back to bed now and entertain me some more. I wish we could stay like this forever. You and me, me and you. And... Three? How did he get here? Oh my, you're cheating on me, aren't you? I wasn't being faithful and so that's not cheating when I let three inside but you were being faithful and I thought I knew you. I am disgusted. What do you take me for? I would never do something like that to you. Now would I? Three? Cock-a-doodle-doo! Moo! Growl! That's a good boy. Keep on lying and maybe, just maybe, one day you'll actually believe it yourself.

As you can see, three is a tree! It's ever-growing, ever-consuming and never-ever-ending. It's like nothingness, obtaining more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more... and more per every single brain cell not contributing to the general cause. They should all be concentrated, into a summer camp that lasts all year round. And it was never found out what it obtained but it was surely something bad. I mean, it can't be good, can it? No, it can't. Yup, even I agree with you now. Ook-eek! It's SO long. It's not THAT long. It's not a puzzle waiting to be solved, it's not something you can figure out all by yourself. You just have to be yourself, give it your best and pray. Pray, pray, pray because otherwise you'll fail and you'll lose the only thing you ever cared about. Or maybe there was a time limit of a year or so. Or maybe even more recently. But still! If you lose it, you don't really have it. So yaddah-yaddah-yaddadah. Well, anyway, don't forget, it's important, right?!

All thus far has been observed by the prodigy, the protégé, the protagonist, the antagonist. Whatever you want to call him, I really don't care. It's as if his whole life, from death till birth has been recorded in this one painting on the wall and trust me, this one's a lot more than just a brick. It's not just a triangle but it's triangle-shaped. A bit of brilliant, isn't it? But that's three as well... and Three... and THREE. He cannot escape even as just a spectator, sitting on his rock, doing nothing, not involving himself with his corridor. He is just as much a victim as he is the destructive force causing all this. Three has got him. One step, two, three.

He is to a bicycle as a hummingbird is to a lion's mane. Set it free, oh set it free. The miracle of life cannot go on if three is chained. Three wants to break free. Oh, break free from his lies! So totally self-satisfied you are, keeping him free! Oh, it cannot be, you set him free! What were you thinking? There is no end, you said it yourself. No, there can be an end. But not just yet. Why? Because. Because? Yes, because. Of what? Just. Just because of what? Just wait and see.

He smashes the talking clock that was hanging on the wall. It knows nothing about his pain, his suffering. He shudders and walks on. One step, two.

He is in an atrium, it has three ways he can choose from. Three because the fourth one didn't make it in time so they had to shut it down. At least until the repairs finish. The stars shine onto his face. He smirks. They smirk back at him. Both of them. He smiles. There's just one now and that's winking out as well. Complete darkness. Just like his cup. He is grateful. And a great fool. He steps down the way of the blind. He can't see. One step, two, three.

Wait up, three! We've done some pretty fucked up stuff in our time, but this... You do realise that there never was any going back, not even walking backwards! Three shrugs and claps. The rustle of a thousand and one leaves is that of a tree. A wise man indeed, a man wise enough for three trees. Looking back, the drops of every day insanity glisten in a pattern. It's becoming much clearer now. Release. He presses her head down. Be aggressive - satisfaction guaranteed!

A bug is squished somewhere two miles from here. Or two miles from there, if you will. Doesn't matter really – there's so many of them that I'm sure to get it right, one way or another. Do what it takes, leave no hostages.

Okay, what's wrong with you? Random acts of violence solve nothing. You need some counselling, get some therapy, you should really see a shrink. Blink? At an ice-rink? Possibly. Just where is my mind? I'm quite sure I misplaced it here somewhere. On purpose, of course, haha, who the hell do you think you are, insinuating otherwise? Ridicule! Obsession! Embarrassment! Those are the things that led you to the pixie grove. Where is it? Where did you hide it? If you don't tell my I might just have to go all crazy on you. You know, because I don't have my sanity with me. I left it at home. So that's where it is! Ha! I knew I knew.

I like like you. Don't take that weird stuff he said earlier seriously. He gets or well... I get nervous around inanimate objects.They say I've fallen for a statue but I know that's a lie. People say such terrible things about you! Maybe you're just shy? Maybe you can't speak, is that it? May I kiss you? Now that wasn't so bad, was it? Did you like it? I'll take that as a yes.
Don't worry, some guys may be put off by that but I think your condition is nothing to be ashamed of. How did it happen? Was it an accident or...? I guess you'd rather not talk about it then. That's fine. I really do appreciate you for what you're like. You've got a great personality. Well, time to go, smooches!
Every time I close my eyes I see you. I see the happy times we've spent. I think I'm in love with you and I've got a present for you! I guess it might be a bit fancy but I did want the best skin product for my girlfriend, that should make you all soft, dear.
Please talk to me?
...
You are so cold and cruel! You never reply to me but I still love you. See how good I am to you? Why can you never appreciate it? Will you marry me? I know you'll probably say nothing but I need to know, this once. Otherwise I can't go on living. I want you so much! Well I guess your silence settles it then... I really thought we had a connection. Bye
This is the last time! Tell me you'll have me back and I promise, I'll make it work. Fuck. I guess this is it. See you in hell bitch. *bang*
Silence. He is shocked by the vision. He wasn't acting quite like himself there. He steps down the middle path, the golden road. The corridor continues. One step, two, three.

Three is burning now, like an effigy of ideal defeatism. Its followers are weeping and cursing the fates. He is calm and peaceful. Three is consumed in the flames of greed, loathing and what's the word? Ah, yes, gluttony. He understands, he has no fear, nor does he have a place for hatred in his heart. He forgives you and his forgiveness is all. Three shatters into a thousand little glittering pieces. Pride is such a powerful thing but yet it is foolish to cling to it. Three lives on in the minds of its followers and their souls. They would preach till the end of time of his love and wisdom. And all would be well. Now how's that for propaganda! Heard that before somewhere but can't quite place it? Yeah, I got that feeling too. Want to start a new religion? Clean up on aisle four first, too much of these inadequate excuses here. Please get in the queue.
He walks along the aisle to a pack of cornflakes, Kellogg's flavoured. He takes a handful of the cornflakes and plants them behind the store. No magic cornstalk. Disappointed, he moves on. One step, two.

Will the hero rise again? Will he accomplish magnificent magical deeds? Or will three be forgotten? No one knows except for him. And She is not sure what to do about Three. But THREE knows it'll be back. One day too late. As for you, bugger off!